Let’s be Honest Here

As you can see, in my last couple of posts about dating, honesty is a real theme here.  There were some people were shocked with how honest I was in my last post My Dating Profile.  But, I am who I am, and I like what I like, and I won’t apologize for that.  I said it in the post and I’ll say it again, everyone is entitled to have their own preferences, and I am no exception.   I just happen to be the one putting it all out there, which most people don’t do.

In my opinion, some guys and girls prefer to not keep it real when it comes to dating and relationships, especially when it comes to online dating, because it’s so easy to get away with.  Fake photos, profiles, embellishing, and lying are all so commonplace nowadays, and it is something that I have a BIG problem with.  I think, both guys an girls have been telling more lies in order to have their cake, and eat it too; case in point, a few personal examples I’m going to write about in this post.

One day I was on Facebook, and a photo popped up of my then boyfriend and a random girl; a girl that I didn’t know, and had never seen or heard of before.  The night the photo was taken, I was out of town, and I remember talking to him on the phone that night, and asking what he did that evening (this was before the photo was posted on Facebook), he told me, “Oh, I went out with my guy friend, we walked Toby (my dog), had sushi for dinner, and well, that’s really all.”  A few days later, when the photo showed up on my news feed, my heart started beating so fast it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, and all of these questions popped in my head, “Where was this photo taken?  Why didn’t he tell me he went to this networking event when I specifically asked him what he did that evening? Did he cheat on me with this girl? And of course, who was that girl?” On a side note, I always encouraged him to go to these types of networking events.  I thought, and still feel, that it is important in his line of work to put yourself out there and promote your company so that people know who you are.  I called him right away and asked him all of these questions… and his reply, was, “Well, I thought that you would be jealous, so I didn’t want to tell you.”  Now, here is my thing, in my opinion, most girls get jealous, I think it’s just human nature, but as long as you trust your man, you really shouldn’t be THAT jealous.  Would I have been upset that he took a pic with a random girl, that I didn’t know, while I was out of town if he would have told me that he went to a networking event?  I can admit, sure, I probably would have been a bit upset.  BUT, given the fact that he straight up lied to me when I directly asked him a question, made it 100 times worse and bigger of an issue than it would have been if he just would have told me that he went to this event in the first place.  Let’s just say, this one example, led to a slippery slope of incidents, that led to me never being able to trust him because of multiple other indiscretions, and eventually  led to our breakup.

Which brings me to another example:

A few months ago, I went on a date where for the first time in a while, I was excited to see a guy for a second, and hopefully third, date.  The guy was ex-military, seemed normal, had a good job, good sense of humor, enjoyed traveling, and had a dog (you know that’s always a bonus for me).  On our first date, we went to a sushi restaurant, had great conversation about our pasts and what we want in the future, and we definitely laughed and drank quite a bit.  Icould tell that there was definitely a mutual attraction there, and I was excited when he texted me that he  wanted to see me the next night to go out on another date.

The next day came around, he texted me and said, “Hey, my brother is in town. Is it cool if he comes along with us?”  And while I didn’t want to have a third wheel on our date, what was I going to do, say no, and look like a bad person?  So of course, I said, “No problem, it will be fun!”  And here I went, on my first 3rd wheel date with his brother.  Now, his brother was an interesting character, he was very dorky (nothing wrong with that), and very anti-social and awkward, which was completely opposite of the guy I was on the date with.  I thought it was cute that the big brother (the one I was on the date with) kind of took his little brother under his wing,  and wanted to show him a good time.  I honestly had a great time!  We went to several bars, I taught them both how to salsa dance, and had great conversation throughout the entire evening.  When we sat down to grab a snack, the little brother told me, “Casie, he (my date) told me that he really likes you!”  And I said, “I like him too!”  Then I drove them back to their place, and I was 95% certain that I would hear from him the next day or at least in the next few days.

A few days later, and I still hadn’t heard from him.  At this point, I was just annoyed.  After really thinking (and probably over analyzing) about a few things that chatted about, I realized he was lying.  He told me his birthday was in August, we both talked about how we were Virgos, whatever that means.  But on his Facebook, it said his birthday was in June (we were friends on Facebook).  I wasn’t really sure which one to believe. OK, that was a little white lie, or something?  Then the biggie came after I texted him and asked what the deal was.  I don’t play around, if you are interested cool, if not, it’s cool too, but don’t act SUPER interested, have your brother tell me you are interested, and then never text me again.  So I asked him, “Hey, so what’s the deal, it’s completely cool if you don’t want to date me, but just let me know.”  His exact response:

“Dude, I’m not gonna fuck with your time.  I’m talking to multiple people at the same time right now.  I don’t know if I can do monogamy… I got burned hard in a relationship and I am something like a fuck boi right now.”

FUCK BOI?!  Hey, we are talking about honesty, and I while I appreciate his honesty, in not wanting to waste my time, he really already did.  If he just wanted to have sex, he shouldn’t have asked me on a second date.  I made it very clear that wasn’t what I was looking for.   While we were sitting in the sushi restaurant we talked for a good 30 minutes about his future, his past relationships and how he was ready for a relationship, after dating someone for a while of course.  This was ALL LIES. Maybe he just didn’t like me and wanted to break it to me nicely by saying he was a fuck boi?  It’s very possible, but who really knows.  I feel that if you want to date, and you aren’t looking for something serious, there is nothing wrong with that, but just be honest about it.  Don’t tell me one thing, and do another.  And definitely, don’t tell you brother to tell me that you like me, just so that you can get in my pants.

If someone is lying to you, at any stage in your relationship, run away as fast as you can and don’t look back because first and foremost, you deserve much better, and second, if you can’t trust the person you are with, then what type of foundation are you creating for a solid future with this person?  Trust me when I say, that when trust is broken once, the cracks start to form, then eventually that strong foundation that you started with, will break from underneath you, and it takes A LOT of time, tears, and yoga, to rebuild and get back to that solid foundation that you once had, with or without the other person.  

What is the craziest lie that you have caught someone in while you were dating/in a relationship?  

Let me know and leave a comment!