My Dating Profile

Being 32, I often get asked, “SO ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?!” and my current answer is, “no, but I am dating.”  Then the question is, “So where have you been meeting these guys?”  And my reply is almost always, “Tinder, Bumble, you know, the usual.”

I actually met my last two serious boyfriends online, no, not on Tinder or Bumble, but on Match.com and Jdate.  While dating online has proven to be difficult, not only for myself, but many others, I think these apps make it easier in the sense that it takes away the first layer of awkwardness.  For example, if I were at a bar, and I found a guy attractive, I would be hesitant to go up to him because 1. I don’t know if he is single, 2. I don’t know if he is attracted to me, and 3. I am afraid of rejection (aren’t we all?!).  These apps allow you to take away all of those things and know that while they might not always be the best matches, and yes, they are superficial to some degree, at least we know we are both attracted to each other, and you might know that you have a few things from chatting with them beforehand or looking at their profile.

Something I have learned through dating the past year is the importance of a dating profile. Do you say that you want a guy who is tall, dark, and handsome and exclude the rest of the male population, or just leave it open to interpretation? If I were being completely honest with myself, this is what my profile SHOULD say:

Please keep an open mind, as we all have our preferences 🙂

You should swipe right (that means he is interested in me) if you:

• Love to travel
• Enjoy trying new things
• Eating out at restaurants
• Enjoy cooking
• Just enjoys food in general 🙂
• Are educated and enjoy learning new things
• Yoga (or at least willing to try it)
• Workout, you don’t need to be a meat head, just care about your body
• Adventurous, not like we need to go jump off a bridge adventurous, but at least be willing to swim with the great white sharks in South Africa, JK JK but I WILL be doing that 🙂
• Passionate and affectionate (I don’t need you to grope me in public, but holding hands and kissing are nice)
• A little artsy and a little businessy.  If you think that going to museums or anything arts related is ‘girly’ then move on along hun.
• OK just being honest here, being tall, dark, and handsome, doesn’t hurt 😉
• ARE A GOOD PERSON!

Bonus points if you:

• +150 are from the east coast, from another country, or have lived outside of Texas
• +150 if you didn’t grow up in Dallas (JK SORRY THAT WAS MEAN)
• +100 if you are Jewish
• +150 if you have been to Israel
• +200 if you love dogs (gotta love my Toby!)
• +100 if you aren’t afraid to go out on the dance floor and shake your bootay
• +75 if you wear cute glasses and/or have a sense of style
• +75 if you can sit through a ballet or Broadway musical

You should swipe left (not interested in me) if you:

• Have a photo of yourself with a dead animal or are holding up a fish (nothing wrong with fishing, but that brings me to my next point)
• Are country.
• Support Donald Trump
• Don’t own a passport
• Grew up in Dallas, went to college in Dallas, never traveled outside of Texas, and never left Dallas.  (OK, I’m being a little hard on my Dallas dudes, but just don’t be the typical Dallas douche)
• On that Dallas note, if you are a hater of Houston, keep it to yourself.  YES I AM WELL AWARE, there is bad traffic, and you sweat like you are in a sauna when you go outside in the summer, but hey, at least they know how to make good food.  OH WOW THE DALLAS HATE IS GETTING REAL.  I mean, honestly, Dallas is really growing on me!  🙂
• Allergic to every type of food under the sun (I really enjoy trying new restaurants, SEE ABOVE)
• Can’t choose a place to meet at (if you can’t open up Yelp and pick out a decent place, then what can you make a decision on?)
• ARE A DOUCHE BAG.
• Only care about yourself
• Can’t handle a woman who is outspoken about what she thinks (this NY/Israeli wannabe doesn’t hold back)
• You are close minded
• Can’t tell me how you feel.  ** GUYS I don’t need you to act like a girl and tell me your feelings every 5 seconds… but at least let me know what’s up
• Your mother/father is close minded
• Hate Jews
• Your mother/father hates Jews
• Your mother is NUTS. (can you see a recurring theme here?)
• Your mother says the following, “You can read a  book and learn the same things about a place as you can visiting them.”  UM NO MAAM, WHEN YOU READ ABOUT VISITING THE GRAND CANYON, OR THE WAILING WALL, OR THE PYRAMIDS IN EGYPT, IT DEFINITELY ISN’T THE SAME AS SEEING IT!  ugh.  Don’t get me started.
• Hate Israel
• Your apartment/house looks like a tornado went through it
• You have dry cat throw up on your bed
• You own 10 cats.  My dog will probably end up eating one of them.  SORRY.  Toby is super picky about his friends.
• Can’t get off of your cell phone during dinner (UGH ANNOYING)
• Plan on chatting with me on the app for a month before we meet up

I’m pretty sure I just completely blew my chances with about 95% of the Dallas male population…  Insert smiley emoji with the two hands shrugging.  Like I always say, IT IS WHAT IT IS!

And what my profile on Bumble and Tinder ACTUALLY says:

NOTHING.

Maybe I should include a little more about myself?  My whole thing is, I believe it never hurts to go out, have a drink, and meet someone in person to find out if there is really a connection.  SO, nah, I think I’ll stick with being mysterious Casie that went to University of Arizona and is the assistant director of who knows what, for now.

What does your dating profile say and what is something that you should, but choose not to include in your dating profile?