A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy who had lived in NYC for 10 years, had a dog, and was in the startup field. Sounded like a match made in heaven for me! But in reality, I think back about that date, and it wasn’t quite so clear what the verdict was…
We chatted online for only two days, went to dinner had a drink and I thought the conversation was ok. I didn’t feel the sparks, but maybe you aren’t supposed to feel them on a first date? We talked about where we lived in NYC, how much we missed the city, our thoughts on Dallas, how we have changed over the years, our careers, and most importantly, our dogs! It was typical first date interview-like banter. The check comes, and I pull out my credit card… NOW, I don’t want to sound like a complete snob, because I TRULY believe that a girl should always at least offer to pay, and also, in a relationship I think that girls should pay for things as well, BUT on a first date, at the first stop, even if you aren’t feeling the person, 99.9% of the time, in my experience, the man picks up the check, and honestly, I think that is how it should be. That .1% when the man doesn’t pick up the check, I automatically assume that he’s not interested in me. Is that the right thing to assume? Maybe not, but nowadays, what is right and wrong in dating has become so blurred that I don’t know what to expect anymore. Case in point the rest of the date…
Usually, when a guy is interested he will at least offer to walk me back to my car. Actually, even when he isn’t interested, he usually offers, just for safety purposes. Sometimes, I say, “Yes,”and sometimes I say, “No thanks,” but I at least appreciate the gentlemanly gesture. But he never even offered. He hugged me goodbye, and said, “Well, it was nice to meet you, I’m that way,” and pointed in the opposite direction of where I was walking. Typically, that means, ok great, I’m finished with this awful date, and see you never! So I hugged him and said, “You too, have a good night!” and we both went our separate ways.
Another sign he wasn’t interested was that he didn’t make any comment about meeting up in the future, now neither did I, but usually, a guy will make at least one comment if we have something in common. In this case, we both really enjoyed yoga, so usually someone will say something to the extent of, “You should come and check out my class,” or “We should go do yoga in the park sometime!” but none of the above was ever mentioned during our hour and half long conversation.
When I got in my car and drove home, a million thoughts were going through my head. My first one was, well, I’m never going to hear from him again, but I think that’s a good thing because I’m not really interested. But then, even though I wasn’t interested, I kept playing back the whole conversation in my head, and what I said, and things that maybe would have put him off and what I could have said differently. Did I talk about myself too much? Was I too negative? Or not smart enough? Am I not pretty enough? Or maybe I don’t have my life together enough for him? Looking back, I think it’s interesting that I continually blamed myself for things that were wrong with me. I think it some ways, it displayed my insecurities when it comes to dating, but then again, why does it always have to be ME that has something wrong with myself, maybe its him! I think women in general, are SO critical of themselves that it sometimes becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I realized that I need to stop worrying about what they think, which is obviously much easier said than done, and just be myself. You either love me or you don’t, and I just need to accept that sometime who cares about me wholeheartedly, will love me for my flaws and all!
When I got home, I had a text message from the guy:
While I was more confused than ever, because apparently, all of my indications that he didn’t like me were wrong, I think? He loved me? But, sarcastically? I have no clue. In that moment, it became clear, why they always say, “Women are from Mars, and men are from Venus,” because typically, a guy texts you after a date when he is interested, and clearly, I can’t read signs, because I’ve never had a guy tell me he loves me, even jokingly, after a first date.
I still have no clue if he is interested or not, but one thing is crystal clear, even though I’ve been on a crazy amount of dates, I’m still clueless about dating. I guess I’ll never be an expert, at least until the perfect man from Venus comes along. Then, hopefully by that point, I’ll be able to decipher their crazy Venus ways, and hopefully their text message memes too!