Lessons Learned in 2018
- It’s ok to be alone: You know how people always say, “It’s important to learn how to be alone, before you can be with someone else,” I think I have definitely come to the point of acceptance and happiness when I am alone. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments that can be lonely, and I would prefer to be spending it with someone else, but I feel like now, I have so much going on in my life, and I tend to keep myself busy, that I don’t really mind being by myself at all. As a matter of fact, it’s really nice to have MY moments, and I enjoy spending time with my dog, walking down the street without my phone, and just being present in the moment by myself. It gives me time to reflect on my day, my thoughts, and the future.
- New Job: 2018 was the year of finally securing a new job! This was probably one of my greatest, and most challenging, accomplishments this year! You can read all about my experience of applying to over 180 jobs in my past post. Finding a new job was draining, both mentally and emotionally. Constantly being rejected, and not feeling worthy or good enough for a new job definitely takes a toll on your confidence. But, as I have repeatedly said, NEVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU WANT. If you want it and work hard enough, you will get it! And I eventually, after 180 resumes and cover letters, I eventually got a new job where I will learn and be challenged, and I am more than thrilled for this new opportunity.
- Being me: I think my biggest success in 2018 is just being more comfortable with myself and coming to the understanding that some people will like me and some people won’t; and I’m 100% ok with that. I will wear what I want, and do what I want, and if that’s an issue, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends or date. I’m a little crazy, fun, scappy, adventurous, sometimes loud, tell it like it is, Jewish, and opinionated. I’m always a work in progress, but I’m perfectly ok with the good and always working on the bad. š
- My Grandpa. In 2018 something that was incredibly difficult for me was when I lost my grandfather. I am lucky enough to say that for 34 years of my life, all 4 of my grandparents were alive. It wasn’t until last April, when my grandfather passed away, that I only had 3 left. The past few years had become increasingly challenging for my grandpa, due to the fact that he had a form of Parkinson’s, and I slowly watched his health deteriorate, while at the same time, I witnessed my grandma, who is literally the strongest woman I know, take care of him up until his last days. Losing my grandfather made me realize how much he has influenced my life. From the simple things, like loving pens and art supplies, to he and my grandma’s passion of traveling; they have both profoundly influenced my life in so many ways. I think of him and miss him often; especially when I’m around family during holidays and doing certain traditions like timing him when he would recite Hadgadya during Passover (which he had been doing for at least 34 years), and making the extra strong eggnog during Thanksgiving, but I know that my me and my family will continue these traditions to ensure that his memory lives on forever. One thing is certain, I am forever grateful that I have been able to have my grandpa be a part of my life for so long, and most importantly I am thankful that even through the good and bad times, I was able to spend his last years here in Dallas with him until the very end of his life.
- Dating: Even though 2018 wasn’t the year of a great boyfriend, I will say that I did learn a lot about what I am looking for in a man and also what I’m not looking for. Here are just a few of the many lessons that I learned in 2018, and maybe someone of them I already knew, but they were reiterated a few times, and unfortunately, I’m a woman of following patterns in dating, and this year I think I broke a few of them after a lot of repeated failures.
Lessons Learned in Dating
I want someone who is thoughtful and remembers the small things. This shows me that they actually listen to what I’m saying, which means a lot since some men definitely have a difficult time with taking in what we say and applying it to real life. Whether it be remembering that I enjoy a certain cheese, wine, or even picking a restaurant that he knew I would enjoy, it is all meaningful to me! It’s the small things… remember that.
Communicative: Why is communication such a HUGE issue?! I feel like this should be SO simple, but I actually have found it to be the most difficult part of dating. Men seem to not listen, or understand, when I do communicate my needs. Maybe it’s because they aren’t interested, or maybe it’s the way I communicate it, or maybe it’s because they don’t know exactly what I NEED MORE COMMUNICATION means. While I definitely think that I have become much better at communicating in a more productive manner, there is still work to be done on my end. But something that I have realized, is that men, most of the time, still suck, even after I have communicated what I need. More specifically, I dated at least a few men who travel a lot for work, and while that isn’t an issue for me, I personally think that when you travel, no matter how busy you may be with work, there is still a minute or two to shoot a text maybe once a day, or make time for a call a couple of times a week. I think communication is key to being successful in a long distance dating situation, and if you don’t make the time, then maybe I’m not high enough on your priority list and you should reevaluate if you should even be dating anyone. Again, work is important, I place high value in it as well, but making time for other things and people in your life is just as important, well maybe not to them, but to me. I am a firm believer in that you always make time for things that are important to you, and if you cant make the time, then it makes them feel like they aren’t a priority, well to be clear, it makes ME feel like I’m not a priority. When I know that I deserve to be a priority in someones life, and it’s pretty easy to make me feel like I’m a priority if you ask me, just text me and let me know you are alive. Thanks. š
Fun: In case you haven’t already heard my solicitation schtick for going to Burning Man in 2019, yes, that’s right, I’ll be going to Burning Man. If you cannot handle that, then we probably won’t work out lol. Simple as that. I will always continue to want to go outside of my comfort zone, do things that might seem a little bit crazy to others, and yeah, have a lot of FUN. While it’s nice to sit at home sometimes, I always want to continue to enjoy life by going out and trying new things and I feel that having fun can often be a way to challenge yourself by doing something out of your usual routine, and who knows you may find something new that you enjoy doing!
Throw away the bad… Keep the good: As I mentioned previously, I have a bad habit of repeating past relationships, or hanging on to past guys for whatever reason. This year I literally threw away a very long and complicated relationship/friendship that kept me from moving forward in my personal life. You can read about this particular relationship in my blog post, here, where I finally chose to shut him out of my life after 20 years of knowing each other. I also came to terms with a couple of other men of my past who still hadn’t changed and who in the end, weren’t what I was looking for. But I also learned that just because it didn’t work out romantically, doesn’t mean I cannot be friends with them. One of my best friends is a guy that I used to have feelings for, and I’m so glad that I chose to keep him in my life as a friend. Also, I need to get better at separating my personal relationships with my romantic ones, because some of the men that I have dated in the past would make incredible friends, and I have a tendency to just dispose of them, when maybe they came into my life for another reason other than being romantically involved with me.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself when a man treats you poorly: When a man stood me up, while I was in NYC visiting for work, you can read all about it here, I seriously called him out on my blog post, my Instagram, and Facebook. While in the end, he threatened to sue me, YES, I said SUE ME, I didn’t post about the part two of that story on my blog, I still don’t regret, even for a second, posting about it. Also, turns out, when I went back to NYC a couple of months later, he eagerly reached out to me again to ask me out for drinks. I answered him, but I surely shut him down with the quickness, and told him I had other plans and couldn’t meet up. I think we as women, and men, need to start having standards when it comes to dating. Don’t let anyone jerk you around, stand you up, and realize that you deserve better than that. Or better yet, if you can’t make it and/or you aren’t interested, no biggie, just let the person know! It really just comes down to respect, and if you cannot respect a person, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating. Also, something that I have come to realize is that I am SO honest on this blog, sometimes maybe too honest, but you know what, if you are a man who can’t handle the honesty, then you are probably a man who who treat me poorly. So thank you for weeding yourself out for me so I don’t have to waste my time going out with you. š . I’ve had quite a few men dissect my blog before, and some after, meeting me. The ones that can handle it, stay around, and if they can’t handle it, then oh well, your loss.
While we are on the topic of standing up for yourself when someone treats you poorly, I recently wrote about an experience where my neighbor was being physically abused by her boyfriend. I said it in that post, and I will say it again, I will NEVER let a man treat me like that, I don’t think that is something that I learned in 2018, but I will say, after experiencing that, and realizing how frequently it happens, it has reaffirmed the importance of standing up for myself and never accepting a man who abuses me in any way.
2019 Goals
Eating Healthier: I’m not going to lie, I suck at eating healthy. It’s not that I’m sitting around eating cookies all day long, even though I would definitely like to be; it’s more of a challenge for me to meal prep for myself and I tend to usually be so hungry by the time I eat that I just want the fastest thing possible. So what do I end up making… PASTA. It’s just so fast, and so delicious, I could literally eat it everyday of my life. So for my new years resolution, I do need to be realistic, I’m not going to stop eating pasta, but I will limit it to twice a week. Is that bad?! For me, that’s pretty good, actually. I’m also going to make it a point to eat healthier during the week, and on the weekend, I can choose to eat whatever I want. š . I also plan on incorporating more veggies into my diet and I’m thinking about making celery juice, which I heard does miracles for your body and skin. I’ll let you know how my juicing experiment goes!
Finances: Ever since I lived in NYC, which was 7 years ago, I have struggled to bounce back from the debt that I accumulated from living there. This year, I am dedicated to making a budget, and after speaking with quite a few people about this, I think I am going to use the method of using cash only. And once it’s gone, thats it! It’s going to be a challenge for me, but I need to make the change in order to ensure a secure future for myself! 2019 is the year of paying off debts!
Handstand: This is something so small, but for me, I’ll take improvement in any shape or form, and a handstand is one display of how I have worked on myself and my self care in the past three years. You can read about my yoga journey in past blog posts here and here. And although I haven’t been going to yoga regularly, because my favorite teacher quit teaching yoga, I still practice my handstands at least once a week. It’s a small way for me to measure my progress in something I have been working on for a while now. Something you probably don’t know about me is that although I have danced most of my life, when I was probably 5 years old, I remember taking a gymnastics class where I was asked to do a bridge, and after attempting to do one, I got dizzy and a headache from being upside down, I never went back. So yoga was a constant way to challenge myself, since you are upside-down quite a bit! Next year, my goal is to be able to hold a free standing handstand, for 5 seconds, without a wall! Let’s see how far I can get… š and if you know a wonderful yoga teacher in the Dallas area, let me know!
Dating: While I have definitely gone on a lot of good and bad dates in 2018, I think my head was truly elsewhere. I focused so much on finding a new job, that when I went on a date, I felt like I wasn’t truly the best version of myself because I wasn’t what you would say, thrilled with my work situation. I also feel like when people asked me about my work, I would be negative about it, and no one wants a negative nancy when you are meeting for the first time! For those of you who know me, I have worked since I was 16 years old and having a good work life is incredibly important to me. I actually love to work and find so much value in it and it’s definitely one of the ways in which I get my self worth. Now that I have found a new job, I believe that my headspace is better than ever, and I am ready to take on a new challenge, the challenge of finding an awesome man! Know anyone awesome? You know where to find me! š .
Lastly, 2018 was full of amazing memories with friends, family, and meeting new people. So THANK YOU for being a large, or small part of my 2018 and helping me to grow, challenge myself, and become a better version of myself. I appreciate each and every one of you!
I can feel it… 2019 is going to be a good year. Bring it.
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