Fun fact about me: I’m Jewish! That’s probably not a surprise to most of my readers, but what is most likely a surprise to most of you is that I date mostly non-Jews in Dallas. Why? Because A: I feel like I know most of the Jewish guys here, B: I think I’m too edgy and not your typical Jewish woman, and C: I have swiped through every Jewish man on Jswipe in Dallas, so for whatever reason, I hardly ever match and date Jewish men here. A lot of people find it surprising that I date mostly non-Jews, especially given my job and my infatuation with Israel. Of course it would be easier for me to date a Jewish man and I would prefer to marry one, simply because they already understand the Jewish culture, and they are more likely to understand my infatuation with Israel. However, realistically, I just don’t feel like it will happen for me if I stay in Dallas. SO, whenever I travel, especially to places like NYC, where there is a wealth of HOT JEWISH MEN walking around, I definitely utilize JSwipe (think of it as Bumble but for Jews) to scope out all of the hotties.
Last week I took a trip to NYC for work and pleasure. As soon as I arrived in NYC I started swiping and I matched with a guy who seemed like a catch; he was handsome, had a good job, we had a lot of common interests, enjoyed traveling, and he was from NYC. Soon after we matched, he messaged me, and he asked for my number so that we could text. After texting all night, he asked if he could call me, I told him I was busy that night, however tomorrow morning I would call him. So the next morning I called him and we talked for around 45 minutes.
Our conversation was great! We talked about everything from family, to dating history, and he even told me about his near death experience.
On a side note, I also noticed that he watched my Instastory while I was walking around in NYC and he mentioned it while we were chatting and said how cute I was and that he loved it. Then, around 30 minutes into the conversation he said,
“I used to be a typical New York douche, but I had a near death experience and it truly changed my life. I’m a much more self-aware and caring person, and definitely not as selfish as I used to be.”
Whenever a guy mentions how much of a douche he used to be and how much he has changed, a little red flag goes up in my head. This has happened to me before, and I tried to be open minded enough to think that he has truly changed, and people can change, but this guy in the past definitely proved my intuition to be right. So with this NYC guy, I proceeded with caution, but I was still very optimistic and even excited to meet him.
We had planned to possibly meet that night, however it was pouring rain, and I already had dinner plans with a friend of mine, so I told him we would meet the next night, and he said that sounds great, I’ll call you tomorrow! The next day, he called, we talked on the phone again for a while, I said, “So what’s that plan for tonight?” He said, “I’ll pick you up from your hotel at 9:00pm, but I’ll talk to you before then.” I said, “Sounds good! I have to go! I’m getting on the subway.” He said, “No problem, call me back when you get out of the subway.” I called him back, we talked for a few minutes and then he had to go because he was in a meeting.
Later that day, I had met up with my high school prom date, who I hadn’t seen in ten years. It was so great to catch up, but I told him that I had to leave at 7:30 just to make sure that I had time to get ready for my date. I left my friend, ran to Zara to pick up a new pair of jeans, because the only pair that I brought I had been wearing in the rain for 2 days, and quickly got ready. It was 9:00pm and weirdly, I hadn’t heard from my date.
9:05 rolls around… 9:15… 9:30.
I texted, “Hey, are you on your way?” – no response.
I called. – no response.
I texted again, “Hey, if you don’t plan on coming, please just let me know so that I can go and do something else.”
And again, “Are you ok?”
And again, “Is everything ok? Did something happen?”
All with no response.
I called again, and it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message.
“Hey, are you coming, if you aren’t please just let me know. Thanks.”
And finally I texted him, “You said that you aren’t a typical NYC douche, well I got news for you, you are wrong. If you aren’t interested, at least be man enough to say so.”
As I sat by myself at my hotel eating dinner, with tears running down my face, the first thing that came to mind was that it was me. What did I do? Why did he stand me up? Was it my blog? Was I not good enough? Was I too forward? Did I talk to him on the phone too soon? Did he not like my pictures? A million of these CRAZY questions went through my head.
First, I think we need to stop blaming ourselves for things that we have no control over. And when I say we, I mean ME. It’s tough. In this highly critical world, where social media is everywhere, and people are judging every move you make, and literally what your bangs look like, it can easily make even the most beautiful person feel insecure.
In that moment, I felt insecure. This random, nobody, guy made me feel insecure. And this isn’t the first time this has happened, when someone ghosts, it makes you feel insecure. It makes you ask yourself a million questions about what WE did wrong, when really, it’s THEM.
I literally couldn’t sleep that night. I was PISSED, upset, and really the only thing that I wanted to know was WHY?! Why did you feel the need to not only ruin my night, but why did you think it was ok to do that? I woke up at 4:00am and posted an Instastory in the dark about how pissed I was, and eventually, I went back to sleep.
The anger still had not worn off by the next morning, I still just kept wondering, why? That night I was walking on Madison Avenue on my way to get Momofuku Milk Bar cookies (if you haven’t been, you need to go!) and at this point, I felt very sad. So I called him one more time, even though I told myself not to over and over again, and this time, his phone rang, but he never picked up.
My purpose in calling him wasn’t to go out again, trust me I was beyond that, but really, I just wanted to know WHY? I just didn’t get it! He SEEMED so interested, which is why I was so confused by the whole thing.
Here’s the deal, men and women, ghosting is one thing, I get it, maybe someone says something that doesn’t jive with you, so you stop talking. While I don’t think that’s necessarily the best way to go about it, it eventually gets the point across. I’m also not going to sit here and say I’ve never done it, because I have, many times. I actually think it is something that I can work on because no one likes to be ghosted.
HOWEVER, being stood up is something completely different in my opinion. The plans were made, the person got ready, and you not only disrespected their time, but you disrespected them by not showing up or giving them a reason why. SO MEN AND WOMEN HERE IS MY PSA:
DON’T STAND PEOPLE UP.
It’s just plain rude and it really makes you look bad.
Here’s the other thing, don’t stand ME up. Because trust me, it will turn out badly for you. I really didn’t want to do this, I mean actually, I really did, and I have thought a lot about whether or not I should do this because I’m not really into public shaming, but hopefully this will teach men to treat me and women with respect and if you don’t, then there will be consequences.
As I walked down Madison Avenue on my way to get cookies, I looked up, saw this handsome man, who looked Middle Eastern (in my mind I was thinking HM, HE LOOKS ISRAELI!), he turned around and said in an Israeli accent, “Hello, can you help me find a sushi restaurant around here?” I quickly responded with, “Let me guess, you are from Israel!” He said, “How did you know?!”
We walked around, ate sushi and cookies together, and he reminded me that it’s not me, I’m awesome! Ok, I’m not perfect, and he didn’t say that, but I’m saying that I AM AWESOME. And I deserve someone who feels that and more about me, respects me, and is excited to go out with me, whether it works out or not.
Life changes in New York minute and I can truly say, it’s moments like both of these, that perfectly describe my relationship with NYC; one minute I’m being stood up by a NYC douche bag, and the next minute I run into a hot Israeli and end up having sushi and cookies with him. Sounds about par for the NYC course.
Only in NYC.