A ton of emotions flood over me whenever the dreaded Valentine’s Day comes around and I’m still single. I mean, sure when I’m in a relationship it’s all sorts of fun; the flowers, romance, and just showing appreciation for one another. But this past week, when I was in NYC, I walked into a Duane Reade, and noticed a whole aisle of pink and red. Honestly, this was the first time this year I have truly noticed it’s Valentine’s Day next week. I’ve been trying to avoid it, but today, the day before valentines day, I was overcome with emotions. I think, no I don’t think, I know, I have just been trying so hard to ignore it and just continuously tell myself, “It’s just a stupid day and there is no reason to be upset about it,” but my therapist always tells me, “Just allow yourself to feel your feelings and don’t diminish them,” and so I did. I was chatting with my guy friend who is married, he told me his plans for Valentine’s Day, and rush of emotions overcame me. Maybe it’s because I still love him, maybe it’s because I’m single, maybe it’s because I’m lonely, jealous, or maybe it’s all of the above. As I have said before, it’s not exactly fun being 33 and single, I mean don’t get me wrong, I have fun, but it’s not fun on Valentine’s Day, or for that matter, any holiday that involves a significant other. It’s straight lonely and a blaring reminder, that I’m 33 and single.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about that number, 33. THIRTY-THREE. It’s interesting, when I’m on these apps guys always ask me, “So what are you looking for on here?” And I respond with, “Well, dating, and then maybe something will develop.” But one thing I’ve heard consistently from guys is women who are in their mid thirties are ready to get married tomorrow because their clocks are ticking, and so that scares them. So I have to somehow gently let them know that NO, I don’t want to get married tomorrow, but come on, I’m 33 and maybe I want kids, so we can’t wait like 5 years here. So let’s play our favorite game, the life timeline game and get real here. I find a boyfriend today, we date for a year, maybe two, that means I’m 35ish, then we get engaged, then have a year engagement, then I’m 36. At 36 the odds of me getting pregnant have diminished drastically. So does that mean that at 33, I already have to count out having kids? It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Even as I write this, it makes me teary eyed. I don’t even know if I want kids, but if I did, the chances have become much slimmer. People constantly tell me, women are having babies at a much later age and yes, that is true, but do I want to be 60 when my kids are graduating high school? Not so much. I guess it’s just a hard pill to swallow and I’ll cross that bridge once I get there.
A lot, and I mean a lot, has been going on in my life lately. I think singledom has really kind of taken a back seat to the rest of the things going on in my life, but when I shop in a grocery store every weekend all weekend (my side hustle), and are constantly surrounded by heart balloons and V-day is just around the corner, I have become susceptible to the Valentine’s Day blues. My word of advice for all of the single peeps out there, it’s perfectly ok to feel sad about being single and/or lonely on valentines day, and you don’t have to push those feelings aside, let’s get up tomorrow, buy ourselves a bunch of overpriced roses, and watch the USA win gold! Who’s with me?!
Here’s to hoping next Valentine’s Day we will all be 34 and un-singled!